Tuesday, September 23, 2008
A Lighter Topic: Job Interview Stories
Other great interview tips I've heard recently:
-- "Nice diploma. That was my fall back school."
-- "That was okay, but let's try that again and this time shake my hand like you've got a pair."
-- "When I'm nervous in situations like this, I like to picture the person across from me naked. With my junk in their mouth."
-- "Let's cut to the chase. Who and where is the office slut?"
My weirdest job interview question:
"Who is the greatest American of the past fifty years and why?"
What about you? Gimme some fucked up interview stories.
One love.
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81 comments:
"Where is the office slut?" "Junk in mouth?"
What kinda shit is that?
From a joke email that got sent around. Things you could say to sabotage an interview. Sexist, horrible things of course nobody would ever say in real life. Or condone.
I was asked a question, "On your last job, what do you consider your biggest accomplishment?"
I replied, "Converting a non-potable water system into purified drinking water for the whole Plant."
They came back with, "Could you elaborate?"
I wanted to say, "Are you fucking retarded? Listen idiots, if I could have turned it into wine I would have, but drinking water was all I could accomplish that week."
I didn't know what else to say or how to make it more understood. I said something stupid, "Well, it saved us money so we did not have to truck in our purified water anymore."
I guess it didn't work, I didn't get the job.
I once told THREE interviews at the same time that what I really wanted to do was finish my novel.
I wanted to say, "Are you fucking retarded? Listen idiots, if I could have turned it into wine I would have, but drinking water was all I could accomplish that week."
Laughed my ass off at this.
Yeah, I get the concept, I just thought that those supposed comments were sick, not funny. I figure they're more of a Penthouse forum thing rather than something someone actually said. Anyhow, I didn't have to interview for the military - they took one look at my ASVAB scores and put me immediately to E-3, and sent me straight to a new officer training program outta boot camp. 'Course I got married and quit, but that's another story. I got hired by a real estate guy in a small town, who basically hated my previous employer and thought it would piss her off if he hired me away. He was nice, but I didn't get much over minimum since it was a depressed military town.
The job I'm at now, I recall them asking if I could alphabetize stuff. WTF? Is that really a problem? How stupid is this country??
"No, I'm sorry. Alphabetization is not among my skills."
I saw a Jay Leno thing once where he asked a woman on the street "how many moons orbit the earth" and she said three or five or something.
Never underestimate the stupidity of people.
I also learned from some Katie Holmes movie that if an interviewer ever asks you:
"How many pennies would it take to fill this room?"
Immediately reply:
"With or without us in it?"
It's a test of how fast you can think on your feet. Like "Who is the greatest American of the last fifty years and why?"
They don't care what your answer is; they just wanna see if you can think quickly.
I'd love to interview people. I'd ask questions like:
"What the one thing you're terrified I'm gonna find out about you?"
"What were you doing the last time you lost track of time?"
"Are you a grown-ass man or do you need to be micromanaged?"
Here's where I got the idea that the 'pukes are blaming minorities for the meltdown, MV. And Ron Paul is a 'puke, he's voted with them for the past 8 years, hasn't he? That "forcing lenders to give loans to bad risks" is a dogwhistle - the Dr's neonazi pals know what he's really saying, I think! Just 'cos someone says good things, doesn't mean he's a good guy.
Here's some of the crowd control toys our new Homeland Military Force is prolly planning to use on US citizens, maybe in Nov. when the 'pukes try to steal yet another election and the people revolt.
Anyhow, I didn't have to interview for the military - they took one look at my ASVAB scores and put me immediately to E-3, and sent me straight to a new officer training program outta boot camp.
Well shit Coyote, what did you score on the ASVAB?
Nice of the Navy to be so accommodating.
I scored in the 98th percentile but because of a couple of arrests for public intoxication I got offered E-1 status. I could have scored better if I hadn't forgotten my algebra but that's what I get for being out of school for 12 years.
I just missed the cut off age for the Air Force (28), those dudes were crawling over the desk to get to me. I never had any desire to be a Marine so I took a water job in the Army. Recruiter said, "Oh yeah, you'll be working in a lab with a white coat... never saw a white coat in the Army except when the doctor was asking me to turn my head to the side and cough.
I think I aced the ASVAB - it was easy back in the '70s. They were falling all over me to sign up, offering anything. It was like they'd never seen a kid with smarts before. Plus, I was in the first all-female squad, so it was a big deal back in those days. I had a fabulous time, partied in San Diego for a year, then got married and got out. Shoulda played some more, but I'm glad to have had my kids early. I'd hate to have kids in the prison they call school now.
Here's where I got the idea that the 'pukes are blaming minorities for the meltdown, MV.
Yeah, but poor white people borrow more money than they can repay too. I don't see this as a minority issue. In fact, isn't painting it that way a little bit racist? Ron Paul didn't say anything about minorities.
I used to be an auto underwriter and we ordered credit reports on new applicants. People have fucked up credit for a myraid of reasons. None of them have to do with skin color.
the Dr's neonazi pals know what he's really saying, I think!
Okay, I'm calling a foul on that. If neo-nazis are fans of my website, does that make me responsible for them? They're also fans of Harley Davidsons but I don't see THEM getting lumped in w/ the bad crowd.
In other words, no more associating Ron Paul with Nazis. Neo or otherwise. There's nothing factual behind it and it's just a talking point. Like "People Are No Good."
And Ron Paul is a 'puke, he's voted with them for the past 8 years, hasn't he?
Voted NO on Constitutionally defining marriage as one-man-one-woman. (Jul 2006)
Voted NO on making the PATRIOT Act permanent. (Dec 2005)
Voted NO on Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage. (Sep 2004)
War on drugs is out of control; revert control to states. (Dec 2007)
Repeal most federal drug laws; blacks are treated unfairly. (Sep 2007)
Inner-city minorities are punished unfairly in war on drugs. (Sep 2007)
$500B on War on Drugs since 1970s has been a total failure. (Sep 2007)
Legalize industrial hemp. (Jan 2007)
Drug War fosters violence at home & breeds resentment abroad. (Oct 2001)
Societal inconsistency on alcohol contributes to drug use. (Dec 1987)
Voted NO on military border patrols to battle drugs & terrorism. (Sep 2001)
Voted NO on subjecting federal employees to random drug tests. (Sep 1998)
War on Drugs has abused Bill of Rights . (Dec 2000)
Legalize medical marijuana. (Jul 2001) Voted NO on requiring FISA warrants for wiretaps in US, but not abroad. (Mar 2008)
Voted YES on Veto override: Congressional oversight of CIA interrogations. (Mar 2008)
Voted YES on restricting no-bid defense contracts. (Mar 2007)
Voted NO on allowing electronic surveillance without a warrant. (Sep 2006)
Voted NO on continuing intelligence gathering without civil oversight. (Apr 2006)
Voted NO on federalizing rules for driver licenses to hinder terrorists. (Feb 2005)
Voted NO on supporting new position of Director of National Intelligence. (Dec 2004)
Voted NO on emergency $78B for war in Iraq & Afghanistan. (Apr 2003)
Voted YES on permitting commercial airline pilots to carry guns. (Jul 2002)
Voted NO on $266 billion Defense Appropriations bill. (Jul 1999)
Voted for going after Al Qaeda, not invading Iraq. (Feb 2008)
Voted against war because Iraq was not a national threat. (May 2007)
Voted YES on investigating Bush impeachment for lying about Iraq. (Jun 2008)
Voted YES on redeploying US troops out of Iraq starting in 90 days. (May 2007)
Voted NO on declaring Iraq part of War on Terror with no exit date. (Jun 2006)
Voted NO on approving removal of Saddam & valiant service of US troops. (Mar 2004)
Voted NO on authorizing military force in Iraq. (Oct 2002)
So no, he's not a neo-con.
Yeah yeah, whatever.
Yeah yeah, whatever.
Admit it. I'm whittling you down. You're feeling the tuggings of freedom.
I'd hate to have kids in the prison they call school now.
Encourage homeschooling & private school via tax writeoff. (Dec 2007)
Whittling down what? I'm just too uninterested in RP to care about what he has and hasn't voted for enough to research it further than I had months ago. He's not a playa, so whatever. And that's not freedom tugging, it's ennui.
And fuck homeschooling. All the parents I know who are doing it are morons. Get fucking gods out of the classroom, get proper funding for education, get better pay for teachers and public school would be just fine. Treat kids like criminals because people are fucking scared of them, and they turn into criminals.
Funny! Ron Paul endorses a godbot out of spite. Serious politician, that one.
My kid would revolt with homeschooling. No socializing...
Coyote did I tell you after he gets punched in the face on his birthday and had to go to In School Supension (ISS) he was ineligible for the end of quarter dance! The poor look on his face... he must have felt like he got punched again... he was ashen when he came home... had a girl lined up and all that rot!
I tried to talk to the counselor in his defense but she was being a witch about it. Oh well, I had to go to bat for him... shit, he's in honors and had straight "A's" on his mid-terms and he's treated like a little criminal. I just felt bad for him.
C'mon. The very next sentence is:
A longtime critic of President Bush, Baldwin has rebuked evangelicals for their close association with the Republican establishment
That doesn't make him a godbot, it makes him a fighter of godbots.
And fuck Bob Barr. Paul's right not to endorse that guy.
But really. What's going on, C? Are you taking something out on me here? This reads as overly feral, even for you.
You okay?
after he gets punched in the face on his birthday and had to go to In School Supension (ISS) he was ineligible for the end of quarter dance!
That's messed up. Poor little man.
Uh, Baldwin, a Pensacola preacher at the Baptist church. Wonder if he's part of the Baptist school that suspends people for making "eye babies." Member or Moral Majority?? Godbot. But RP to endorse out of spite? What a putz!
And sorry to hear about the boy's b-day bummer! You know, though, he saw his dad sticking up for him, and that feeling will stay with him all his life, long after he's forgotten that there was a girl or a dance. Good for you!
Ron Paul's got sort of a Bela Lugosi kinda look going on in that picture down below.
Creepy.
It's not out of spite! They see differently on many things. Besides, Barr used to be a neo-con drug warrior of the stankiest kind before he had a "change of heart".
Bullshit. What if it changes back??
Jesus, Paul could've been a whore and endorsed McTurd and got up on the stage like the rest of the rabbits and sing about "he can't lift his hands above his shoulders" and his "legendary" war hero service.
But he told McCain "No." So the RNC told Paul he could come to the carnival, but only by himself because he's a congressman. One ticket that he was welcome to pick up at Will Call.
So Paul went and had his own party across town.
I know he's not a playa (not like I didn't try), but he's still very influential and I agree with him on MOST things.
And this is my safe space so EAT IT!!
I keed.
THIS JUST IN:
-- John McCain suspends campaigning to work on economy, requests postponing Friday debate; asks Obama do the same.
What. A Piece. Of Shit.
Don't anybody forget, Bush still has the power to declare Martial Law and postpone the fucking election. He just renewed it for another year a couple months ago.
I guess maybe the "fundamentals" aren't so strong after all, eh?
Okay, I'll respect your safe space, darlink! But really, did McCain try to back out of the debate?? Pussy!
Well, I guess it's a good thing that the new homeland security army is getting geared up on Oct. 1st, then, huh? So much for the fundamentals of democracy.
I can't find confirmation yet, but it's a real CNN alert email. I get them all the time.
What the fuck?? See? Trying to create that air of PANIC!! Who can think about campaigning at a time like this??
This might be the new 9/11. Either that or he's too chicken shit to debate.
BTW, I loved the new episode, MV. More, dammit! I need amusement.
Yeah, I know about the 10/1 army thing too. That's creepy, but they've done stuff like this four of five times in the past couple years and nothing's happened. I get squirrely every time.
BTW, I loved the new episode, MV. More, dammit! I need amusement.
Thank you. I thought you hated me today. Tear. New episode TONIGHT!
Meanwhile, the sky is falling.
BTW, I loved the new episode, MV.
Suck up!
Suck up!
And don't forget, you can vote for me using the vote buttons every 18 hours!
Get clickin', muthafuckas!! I needs me some traffic!!
Yeah, it's true.
Suck up!
Yep. I just love T-Rex's smile...
Sorry to razz your ass, MV; Ron Paul seems like one of those guys that says one or two cool things that get attention and suddenly people think they're president material, like Webb, or Murtha or Palin, even. Drives me nuts. Didn't mean to make you feel bad.
Anyone watch Heroes? Woohoo!
In a statement, McCain says he will stop campaigning after addressing former President Bill Clinton's Global Initiative session on Thursday and return to Washington to focus on the nation's financial problems.
Again, WTF?? You don't have the job yet, asshole!
This is such a charade. And people will buy it. And they'll hand over everything to BushCo and the fucking 700B that we'll get to pay back.
I never noticed those buttons, MV. Okay, I voted for you. I'll do it from my home computer this evening, too. You'll be on top in no time!
Ron Paul seems like one of those guys that says one or two cool things that get attention and suddenly people think they're president material
I know what you mean, and there are plenty of Paulbots running around out there as evidence of a cult of personality thing.
But you know we're all more politically savvy than that round here.
The more votes I get (daily), the higher I rank, the more curious people visit my site because I'm in the "Top 100" or whatever.
Then I get the traffic, then I sell the advertising, make the money, generate a cult following that buys my first graphic novel which creates buzz which gets me a publishing deal.
And THAT is the extent of my knowledge on how to make money off the internet.
(PS: I gave up on Heroes after that disappointing first season finale. I may get caught up on DVD.)
Well, without those 'bots, RP wouldn't have even made a blip on the radar. But it was nice to hear someone besides Kucinich rail on about the constitution. Still, RP says he'd end all social programs, too. Not good. That's why I don't like him. Not because he'd actually get away with it, but because he thinks it's possible to pull yourself up by the bootstraps even if you don't have boots. It's not realistic.
I think the idea is to replace inadequate, poorly funded social programs with private, more efficient ones.
But again, we're relying on the goodness of People With Money to do such things. So we'd give them mad tax incentives to the point where they'd be stupid to refuse.
That would weed out the greedy buggers too.
Well, I'll get my daughter to vote for you, too, and when you get rich, you'll invite us to the movie premiere, so we can meet Clive Owen, aka "The Masked Vigilante!"
Woohoo!
And Heroes started out with a bang - Sylar caught up to Claire, finally and got her power - Peter's fiddling with time, and there are a bunch of new villains. It's moving fast. And Mohinder, the putz, just gave himself powers, I guess his include increased sex drive, 'cos he boinked the guatamalan chick before she could cry black tears. Okay, that last bit was so bad, I had to look away. He's such a dork, you just know it won't end well!
Have you seen Syalr as Spock yet?
This JJ Abrahms movie is gonna make a Trekkie outta me yet.
Hey, I'm just now watching season 1 of Heroes on my new iTouch. Did I mention that I got an brand new iTouch? Cause I did. If I didn't mention it.
Anyway, don't give anything away.
And according to the CNN instant poll 66% of respondants see McCain's crap for what it is, a political gimmick. Just like the Palin pick. Johnny Mac is flailing. Badly.
I am jealous of your iTouch.
It's definitely the coolest piece of technology I've ever owned.
It can't be cooler than TiVo or DVR.
It would have to also work as a pocket pussy to surpass TiVo.
(Pardon my crassness, Coyote.)
BTW: The Hadron Collider broke down again.
Apparently it generated the "wrong sort of big bang". And this is such a fuck up that it's gotta be shut down until spring.
(crossing "parallel universe portal" off x-mas list)
I think it's a problem with the flux capacitor.
Either that or it threw a Johnson rod.
Dang, and I was soooo looking forward to a parallel universe portal, too. Bastards!
I don't even know what an iTouch is, much less whether it performs sex functions. Is it like the iPhone? Is it a blackberry? Most importantly, does it vibrate on command???
Flux capacitor? You mean the oscillation overthruster, don't you? Can't have that on the fritz, now, can we?
And McCain's such a dork - does he think no one sees what a dork he really is?
I think it's a problem with the flux capacitor.
I still think it's the fitzer valve. Just reboot it!
I'm really mad at John right now. I'm totally cancelling poker night.
Does anyone know what that Nobody guy is talking about on TLC? Kissing what ring? I don't get it.
Euzoius says:
What an utterly ridiculous fool---another American embarrassment. The rancid scrappings at the bottom of our Imperial Barrel.
I love the pancakes at Imperial Barrel.
I love the beer at "the Barrel." Mmm. Beer.
Does anyone know what that Nobody guy is talking about on TLC? Kissing what ring? I don't get it.
It might be a "Godfather" reference. Or some kind of Pope thing.
He's right, for the most part, but his mixing metaphors like a crazy person.
I love the pancakes at Imperial Barrel.
And they serve them with such condescension too!
he's mixing metaphors, I meant to say.
And they serve them with such condescension too!
Don't ever ask for more butter. It turns into a whole thing.
(I can see a bank from my house if I climb up on the roof in the winter when there's no foliage on the trees.)
HA!!! Snark shoots, HE SCORES!!
...the Authoritarian Subservient Serf's Party.
How hard can a guy try to come up with something that forms the acronym ASS?
Pulled that one right out of his. Someone get some Lysol.
The debate or the "crisis"??
Obama camp replies: "We can handle both." BALLS!!
Songbird HAS to take it back now! I bet he'll piss and moan about it on stage.
he's mixing metaphors, I meant to say.
Well, yeah, but whose ring is Obama kissing? And what did he give in to? I guess I'm just too dense today!
I guess I'm just too dense today!
TODAY!
[ducks and runs]
[like McCain]
"You are my density!"
Movie title and character, please.
*taps foot impatiently.*
McCain is going to go with Obama to kiss Cardinal Paulson's ring as the two of them stand beside the Liar-in-Chier put their unified blessings on the biggest rip-off in American history to make 41 the richest man ever as he is the recipient of the nation's greatest transfer of wealth.
He's a conspiracy nut. So he thinks Obama and McCain are playing for the same (secret) side, Paulson is the Pope of the Bailout Plan, so all the good little Illuminati soldiers are gonna line up with Bush and issue a joint statement to sell this gigantic con job.
Except it's not gonna happen.
In the meantime, Reid, Obama, and the dems say that the debate will go on. So Obama's not kissing anyone's ring right now.
"back to the future", george mcfly
Did you google that?
I didn't even pause for capitalization. I thought there'd be a mad rush to answer that one.
McFuckhead's got himself in quite the pickle now, doesn't he?
Did you google that?
I responded within 2 minutes! Even I can't google THAT fast!
You know what? This is such a glorious implosion of McCain's candidacy, I think I'm gonna end the day on a high note and take off early.
SOOOO glad the debate is still on. I've been giddy about it all week.
No fair! I wanna leave early!
That line is a no brainer.
Next.
Oops! Time for me to go too.
See ya!
Booo!
Poor Coyote...
Yeah, SoS, abandoned again!
"It's my belief that this is exactly the time when the American people need to hear from the person will be the next president," Obama said in Clearwater, Florida. "It is going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once. It's more important than ever to present ourselves to the American people."
Kick ass line. Stick and move, champ. Stick and move.
The man waits... stays measured... composed... doesn't suspend his campaign... in fact vows to keep campaigning... plans to go on with the debate... then is invited back to DC by the White House.
That must really hurt McPOW!
Je-sus. If I were Obama, I'd reply, "Fuck that! I got two days down here to work on my game so I can BEAT your party down and TAKE back the White House. And then maybe I'll summon your worthless ass, next time I need to relay a message to God. Until then, quit trying to fuck with my debate!"
This is bullshit. This is bush league.
Oh! I just got that!
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