We have a big family of meat puppets that recently moved in about four houses down, behind us. Gigantic trampoline, and one morning I swear they were bouncing around on it at like 6:45 in the morning. On a Wednesday. SCREAMING like one or more of them were on fire.
What's with the screaming?? When we were kids, I think a parent or a neighbor would come out and bitch at us if we were screaming like that. Now it's as customary as a chuckle.
I swear, kids get more juice out of a fucking trampoline. You bounce up and down. I get it. If you're good, you can do a back flip or something. I have a cousin who I saw on a trampoline years ago who looked like an Olympian on that thing.
But what you see around here is more like four or five kids, just bouncing around inside the net like a bunch of LOTTO balls, and eventually somebody gets hurt. And cries ear-shatteringly about it.
It's officially summer. I go outside and all I hear are leaf blowers (what the fuck ever happened to the Zen of sweeping??), weed whackers, lawn mowers, edgers, and what sounds like a platoon of children running through a field soaked in flaming napalm and bear traps.
I hate neighborhoods.
Oh, and the other new thing going on in the 'hood. People are "breaking into" cars and stealing garage door openers, enter through the garage into the "mud room", and swiping wallets and purses and watches and cell phones and all the junk you toss on a thing when you walk in the door.
WTF?? I have a few questions for these victims.
Why is your car parked outside? We all have 2-3 car garages around here.
Why is your car unlocked outside?? Why would you ever leave your car unlocked?
Why is the access door from the garage unlocked??
Where are you when this is happening?? Are you even home? Are you out back whacking weeds or hosing down the slip 'n slide?
Fuck all. I get the whole Michael Moore thing -- yeah, this is all totally normal behavior when you live in a society where you're not brainwashed by the MSM to live in fear of everybody and every thing. Believe me, I get it.
I'm not afraid of anybody. But it pisses me off when somebody steals my shit! Doesn't it piss you off? So why not take precautions to keep my shit from getting stolen??
Fuck these people. I don't want them on my property, opening my fucking car doors. Apparently everybody else just throws their stuff on the sidewalk. Just take their shit and leave my house alone.
And in THAT sense, with the teeming number of careless retards I have around me, logic dictates that I live in the safest house in town. Statistically.
But then you get the barrage of emails at work, forwarded back and forth from all the corporate drones in the neighborhoods who know each other's names.
"DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BREAK INS?? OMG!! I pay a shitload of property taxes to live out here!!!! This isn't right!!"
It's summer. The meat puppets are in an explosive frenzy, literally, the crime wave is out of control, and the lawns are manicured like the pussy at the Playboy mansion.
I fucking hate this country. Suburbia. Generica. Mindless Zombies. Fuck this place.
I don't expect culture to change. But can they keep the noise and drama down? I just want to hang out in my space and be left the fuck alone.
3 comments:
Like I always say, "humans suck." Luckily, I live in a cul de sac, so there's not a lot of traffic. But there's a lot of mowing and weed whacking going on. We're not exactly rural, but someone nearby has a rooster that goes off at all hours. Why the hell would someone have a rooster in a neighborhood? My friends and I have decided that once the kids are all gone, we're gonna pool our resources and get a compound out in the woods. Grow our own food, write freelance, and do crafty shit that stupid humans will pay big bucks for, and avoid the idiots. But I gotta have a high speed internet connection.
And more importantly, it's a BUSTED rooster! What's worse than that?
So, you're gonna build a commune in the woods? Get stoned and work the earth? I'm in. I'll need an air-conditioned trailer though. I'll just move into a nearby hotel.
What? You think we'll be living in tents? I like my creature comforts the same as anyone else. We'll all just have little cottages with all the amenities; just no stupid neighbors!
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